After what feels like many many months, I am finally poking my head out of my deep hidden burrow. My eyes are adjusting to the amount of light and noise there is out here and well, I think I need to be more patient with myself in this adjustment period. I need to heal.
The summer was a blur of bad confrontations and so much waiting. I sat on the fence for months, waiting for so many balls to land. I don't do well with waiting. I like action. So I filled my days reading books and building a pretty awesome deck. By the end of the summer, my body was so bruised and I was still waiting...
My full time art consulting job of 15 years came to an end. An end which was a long time coming and a much needed step for me to make to begin focusing on my art, my family and my health more.
My backyard studio build has been a struggle the entire way. I feel like I've forced it into being, against everyone's wishes, kicking, screaming, fighting the entire way. City permits were a challenge to say the least. Contractors are crooks. I've learnt so many lessons about leans and hold backs and substantial completion... so boring. Now that the studio is (almost) finished, I have what feels like a very physical block in using it. The entire process was so awful. I've planted a tree to help remove some of the bad vibes, but that's a lot to put on a little tree. So I will continue to force it until the space becomes mine and the light returns.
And then there's the health stuff... not to go into crazy details, I have a medical condition which at some point soon is going to require some serious interventions / surgery. I was scheduled for surgery for the beginning of December... but it all felt too soon and too extreme really. I've decided to delay for as long as possible and have taken on some pretty bad ass doctors who support this!
So needless to say, this summer / fall was a crazy period in my life where all these things were left hanging there, undecided. A few of them have begun to settle and I've been able to make some decisions and move on, but there are so many. So now it's time to heal and reemerge and try to find my new path. For me, that is painting. I am so lucky to have this meditation.